and you are (always) you
by Late Night Iridescence
Summary: Trapped on Earth by the Wall sealing his way back to Barian, Nasch struggles to come to terms with who he was, who he is, and who he wants to become. Fake spoiler AU. Nasch/Yuuma.


Part one of a fic I started waaaaay back in September when we were all panicking about the fake spoilers, where Shark got his memories back, dueled Vector, and was possessed by Don Thousand and forced to duel Yuuma in the Astral World. So, basically, it's an AU based on something that never even existed, what the hell.

This is essentially a mixture of fake spoilers, actual canon, and my own theories as to what might have been.

Anyway, this has been giving me _so_ much trouble, mainly because I was pissed about the spoilers being fake, and then Sharkbait became unbearably sad, and school bit me, so.

Here's part one of two, in hopes that it encourages me to finish the rest sooner.

Originally written for the 'Shark tries to adjust to his Barian form but Yuuma just wants to touch' prompt on the Zexal Fanworkathon, until it got totally out of hand.

* * *

Yuuma hits the ground hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs, and suddenly he's alone in his head. Panic rises in his throat as he watches Astral and Don Thousand, forced from Shark's body, clash overhead in magnificent flashes of blue and red, but he calms quickly; the Barian god is weak from defeat, and Astral shines bright with the residual power of Zexal. A third light joins them, gold dwarfed by blue – Eliphas.

Shark is…Yuuma searches frantically and catches sight of his (Barian) friend collapsed in a heap of red fabric, the cloak that kept Yuuma from seeing his face until it was nearly too late swallowing him up. Heart thumping painfully, Yuuma gets to his knees and drags his tired body toward him.

He doesn't get more than a couple of feet before several pillars crumble under the explosive shockwaves of two gods colliding. The platform trembles and begins to splinter, and Yuuma topples over with a yelp.

He understands, suddenly, what that old dragon monk had been talking about; the destructive force generated by their fight will tear everything apart if it doesn't end soon. Yuuma braces himself on his hands to watch blue and gold twining together as Astral and Eliphas prepare for a final attack.

There's no way he can get to Shark in time. Yuuma tries anyway, lunges with the last of his strength, but Shark is still _so far away_…

The flash as Astral and Eliphas collide with Don Thousand at full strength is so bright Yuuma has to turn away or risk being blinded. Don Thousand's roar of rage echoes through Yuuma's bones like a shock of electricity – felt, rather than heard – and cuts off abruptly as the suffocating weight of his presence, like a shadow over the sun, vanishes. The moment of utter silence stretches on for a small eternity, and then the high pitch whine of the approaching shockwave shatters it.

Yuuma squeezes his eyes shut and shouts what he thinks is a name, but he can't tell which one, doesn't know if it's Astral or Shark he's calling for, because he can't even hear himself.

Something warm and heavy blankets his back just before the pillars and crystals and _everything_ break apart under the impact. He's pushed against the ground hard enough he can feel his ribs creak, and he can't breathe, but the shockwave dissipates as quickly as it hits. The weight on his back lessens and Yuuma thinks someone is dragging a piece of wreckage off of him, but that's not it at all; he turns his head and sees a purple hand braced beside him, claws buried in the platform.

Yuuma freezes, unsure exactly what he should do or say, and Shark sits up and nearly pulls Yuuma into his lap, eyes raking over him like he's searching for injuries.

He's torn, completely, because this is Shark, but he's also a _Barian_, and though Yuuma doesn't hate them, isn't _really_ afraid, he nearly lost Astral just minutes after getting him back and he just…

Shark is Barian, and the Barians want to take Astral away.

For a split second fear overcomes the soul-deep instinct that tells him he can trust Shark, has trusted him all along, and it must show on his face, broadcasted through the stiffness of his muscles, because Shark won't meet his eyes.

The Barian hunches over, let's Yuuma go, and it's then he sees the cracks and scorch marks half hidden under the tattered remains of his cloak. Yuuma wants to cry, maybe punch himself, because Shark used his body to shield Yuuma from an impact that could very well have killed him, with his more fragile human body.

He takes in how warm Shark is despite being made of stone, how the cool light of the Astral World glitters on his gems, before Shark untangles them and goes to stand, flinching in pain. Yuuma isn't used to reading his mouthless, alien face, but he knows Shark, and he reaches out without thinking and lays his palm across one of the big red gems on his shoulders.

The tingle of Chaos escaping through his fingertips – more familiar every time he does this – and the bright light that follows untwists something in Yuuma's chest, because if it works on Barians the way it does on Astrals, Ena is right. Barians and Astrals are the same.

He can save both worlds.

Then Shark recoils from his touch like it burns, gems glowing with heat, and Yuuma's heart sinks. His thoughts derail, but as Yuuma opens his mouth to apologize, Astral materializes beside them.

"I did not expect the damage to be quite so severe. Are you alright, Yuuma?" Astral takes Shark in, expression a mixture of wariness and curiosity. "Shark?"

"I'm okay," Yuuma says, "but Shark is hurt…"

The Barians waves off his concern, still refusing to look at them. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."

Yuuma wants to insist that it matters to _him_, but Eliphas joins them, scowl firmly in place, duel disk forming on his arm as he catches sight of Shark. The Barian makes no move to do the same and Yuuma throws himself between them without hesitation. "Wait! Shark is my friend – he was just being controlled by Don Thousand!"

"Your _friend_ is a Barian and cannot be trusted." But Eliphas lets his duel disk disappear. "He should be sealed away."

"Can't he come back to Earth with me?" Yuuma pleads, looking up at Shark – and he's taller now; Yuuma has to crane his neck back to see his face – for conformation, because maybe Shark doesn't _want_ to go back to Earth, and matter how painful the thought is, he can't force him.

"My name is Nasch," Shark says, quiet but final, and for a horrible moment Yuuma is sure he really will refuse, simply turn around and step into a portal, but he continues. "But my sister is in the Human World. I have to go back."_hihghhh_hi jhsssfhsefe

Eliphas considers it and nods curtly, raises his hand, and they're engulfed with the same power that brought Yuuma to this dimension in the first place. "You would not be able to return to Barian even if you wished it. The Wall will keep you prisoner well enough."

"Eh?" Yuuma blinks. "What wall?"

But it's too late; the portal opens above them, and they're gone.

* * *

The hospital is cold and clinical and unnerving in its familiarity. This might as well be the same room his sister spent two years in, and now they're here again. He has the terrible idea that they _died_ here, years ago, when Ryoga and Rio gave way to Nasch and Merag unknowingly, unwillingly. Maybe it's selfish to wish she was awake to share this with him, this rift in his mind where ancient memories clash and overlap with the new, but it's also unfair that Rio – Merag – _Rio_ hasn't had her chance to react, doesn't even know they aren't human…

She's still Kamishiro Rio, and part of Nasch desperately wants that for himself.

He'd take her back to Barian if he could, with Vector gone; the crystals there, the energy, would heal her as no human doctor can, and he wonders if being cut off from their home world might just kill her. Whatever woke her the first time won't work again, and he just-

He hasn't spoken to Yuuma in days, but he hasn't forgotten the flash of golden heat that erased his pain. Nasch hadn't noticed his wounds had disappeared until they were back on Earth, as he shifted back into his human skin – comfortable and alien all at once – and realized that, physically, he was healthier than he'd been in as long as he could remember. The energy Yuuma poured into him tasted, faintly, of Barian, but so much more pure, brighter, warmer. It overflowed, generous, fixed every fault it found and left him stronger. For the short moment Yuuma was touching him, he almost felt…calm.

Whatever it is, Nasch is certain it can pull his sister out of whatever nightmare she's fallen into.

He has no right to ask Yuuma for anything.

Nasch rubs his sore eyes, exhausted, hungry – but not for human food, really – and feeling the king he once was slipping away once more. What good is he, cut off from his kingdom? Eventually he'll have to stop hiding, stop acting like a coward, and find a way to break the Wall keeping him from his people. Even if it means starting a war.

The thought propels Nasch from his chair, and staggers out of the room and towards the cafeteria. He needs something to keep him awake, because his dreams are nothing but smoke and blood and the echo of Vector's laughter. And he'll do anything to chase away the image of Yuuma's face as the only person he called 'friend' looked up at him, not with the softness and warmth he's come to expect, but fear.

Yuuma is afraid of him. It's worse than Vector's madness.

Almost.

The young woman across the counter smiles sympathetically and tells him the coffee is on the house, and he wonders what sort of hell he must look like. He's slept maybe three hours in the last two days, and he's reaching his limit.

Nasch drops into a chair tucked away in a corner where the lighting is dim; if he goes back now, he'll fall asleep on his sister's bed. He scalds his tongue on the first sip, and the stinging pain wakes him up a little.

He'll start a war to save the souls of those who died for him once already, who'd paid for his mistakes and suffered his consequences, and yet there's a part of him, a part he hates, that hopes there's no way to break the Wall. With no way to reach Barian from Earth, they're at a stalemate. The Barians can't use Earth as their way into the Astral World, but neither can they.

Yet that wouldn't mean peace, not at all – especially not for his people, who may very well take the brunt of Don Thousand's anger. Even weakened, the other Lords wouldn't stand a chance. And there are bits and pieces of memory of his last lifetime as Barian Lord Nasch, still just a jumbled mess but enough to know the planet was beginning to destroy itself, corrupted and unstable for reasons even Durbe hadn't understood.

Can the Numbers really restore their dying world?

Or, maybe, it was Yuuma they _really_ needed. A third way, a way to save Barian without committing genocide…

"Ryoga-kun?"

He barely registers the name, and it isn't until someone is standing over him that he realizes they're speaking to him. Ryoga. Right.

"Ryoga-kun, are you all right?" The nurse peers down at him with concern, and Nasch does his best to look like isn't being crushed beneath the weight of the fates of not one world, but three. He doesn't do a very good job, because the nurse starts to look alarmed.

"I'm fine," he says, and chokes back a bitter laugh. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all! In fact, your sister is awake."

Nasch nearly knocks her over as he dashes from the cafeteria, leaving his coffee, untouched and cold, behind. He stops in the doorway, drinking in the sight of Rio, worn out and trembling but red eyes open and alert.

In her hand are Number 94 and a folded piece of paper.

He left Crystal Zero with Yuuma for safekeeping, holding on to Number 73 for reasons he hadn't understood or want to acknowledge. That she has it now can only mean Yuuma was here, been and gone, because Rio is alone. Torn between disappointment and relief, he drags his chair closer to his sister and collapses into it.

She watches him for a moment, lips pursed, and then says, "What did you do?" Her eyes narrow. "Eh, _Nasch_?"

The sharpness of her gaze, that's all Rio, but the understanding behind it is Merag. Nasch can see it now, how his sister will settle between the two. Such a thing will only make things harder on her if they do end up having to fight their friends, but she's strong and brave and wouldn't have it any other way.

That her memories have already been restored is a blessing – she's holding her Number a little too tightly, fingertips turning white with the pressure – though he prays to the gods of two worlds she hasn't been reliving them all this time, trapped within her own mind.

He slumps further into his seat. "…Nothing."

"Then why is Yuuma avoiding you?"

He shoots her a look, because it if her memories are back it should be obvious. "Because I'm a Barian." Merag just stares at him, unimpressed, though he doesn't know why he needs more of a reason than that. "Also, I was possessed by Don Thousand and tried to kill him?"

It comes out as a question because Merag just rolls her eyes, like she can't believe how stupid he is. Ryoga is used to this particular response to something he says or does, but Nasch isn't, not really. This is one of the most immediate contrasts between Rio and Merag; where the high priestess had been so polite at times it drove him insane, Rio had absolutely no tolerance for his bullshit. Merag looking at him like this…it actually settles something inside him, something sick and twisting and close to being torn in half. Maybe there is a way to reconcile Ryoga and Nasch, even if his best friend's partner hates his kind.

"So _you're_ avoiding Yuuma, not the other way around. Right." With a long suffering sigh, she hands him the folded piece of paper.

He unfolds it, and it reads:

_Shark__Nasch__ Shark_

_Sorry I didn't come sooner, but we weren't sure if the Chaos energy would help or make your sister worse…it seemed to hurt you before but Astral said it was worth trying again. Kaito said he thinks we might find a way to get you back to Barian at the ruins where my dad fell into the Astral World, so we're gonna go check it out. If your sister wakes up, maybe you could come with us?_

Nasch sits there and drinks in Yuuma's messy scrawl, the crossed out names, and wonders whether Yuuma understands what he's offering, or if Astral just wants them far, far away from Earth. From Yuuma. Nasch doesn't blame him.

Merag studies him in silence for a while, then says, eyes distant, "It was like I was trapped in this darkness that stretched on forever. I felt some _thing_ there with me, and there was this great red eye…" She trails off, then shakes her head. Nasch grips the arm of his chair tightly, terrified, because Don Thousandhas been_ watching his sister_. "Then there was this bright golden light that illuminated everything, chased away the shadows, and I woke up to Yuuma calling my name. He was holding my hand." She flexes her fingers slowly, like she's remembering Yuuma's warmth.

"So." His sister glares at him and points to the door. "Stop hiding and go thank him."

Nasch doesn't have much choice, even if his stomach is trying itself in knots.

* * *

The ruins are dim and oppressive, Astral's glow the brightest source of light in this place, and Yuuma shivers as he makes his way down one of the many spiraling halls. The moment they'd arrived, Kaito and Shark had taken off in opposite directions, ignoring Yuuma's request for them to stay together. The whole trip was tense, both Kaito and Shark refusing to look at him, not speaking except for short, terse instructions. Yuuma had been looking forward to this, hoping to ease the distance that had settled between them since their return to Earth; he'd been overjoyed when Shark agreed to come along. Yet instead of exploring together, they were spread out across the ruins.

Yuuma huffs to himself. Even Astral was silent as he floated at Yuuma's side, and it was super creepy here…

"Oi, Astral!" Yuuma scowls. "Say somethin', would ya? It's too quiet down here, and we haven't seen those guys in forever."

"Indeed. They've become quite skilled at avoiding you."

Yuuma stops and turns to face Astral, incredulous. "I don't get why they're avoiding me in the first place. Did I piss 'em off, or something?"

Astral gives him _that_ look, the one he doesn't see as often anymore, that says _You're an idiot_. "This is where your father was lost to the Astral World at Faker's hands. Though he'd never admit it, it seems Kaito still feels partially responsible. Being here can't be pleasant for any of you. And Shark, well. That much should be obvious."

"But I don't blame either of 'em! Kaito can't help what his dad did, and my dad's alive anyway, so I'll definitely find a way to bring him home. And it's not like Shark can help being a Barian. He isn't a bad guy, Astral. For sure." Yuuma blows his cheeks out, pouting. He'll never understand why his friends like to wallow in bad things that aren't even their fault.

Astral is silent for so long Yuuma almost thinks the alien has nothing to say for once, but eventually he speaks up. "You may believe it. Perhaps you _do_ know for certain, but it could be Shark isn't so sure of that himself."

Yuuma is about to ask what he means, because there's no way Kaito and Shark don't already know what he thinks about all this – sometimes they know before _he_ does – when a resounding crash echoes up the corridor. They glance at each other and then race toward the noise; just before the hall branches yet again, the crumbled remains of a doorway opens up into a room half destroyed, filled with rubble and craters and blocked passages. Shark stands in front of one of these, glaring up at the cracked stones above it and the star carved there.

Yuuma brings a hand up to his chest, gripping the Emperor's Key at the sight of his dad's mark. Shark had found the right path.

Grasping one of the bigger pieces of rubble with his bare hands, Shark begins to lift it, and Yuuma sucks in a breath as the rock, twice as big as Shark and much, much heavier, leaves the ground before it slips from his fingers.

With a frustrated snarl and a flash of light, Shark shifts into his Barian form. Even though it's been less than a week since he'd last seen the strange, purple-gold body of his friend's true form, this is the first time Yuuma has a chance to really _look_ at it without being distracted by other things. The lighting isn't the best, but it just makes his red gems stand out, let's Yuuma see they glow faintly, though he doesn't know if Shark is doing it purposely or if they're always luminous.

There's so much he wants to learn about this new part of Shark; everything, if Shark will let him, and Yuuma is seized by a powerful desire touch him, to reach out across that distance he hasn't quite figured out how to breach just yet.

He starts forward, walking quietly as Barian claws sink into stone and make easy work of moving the rubble. Shark tosses the largest piece over his shoulder as if they weigh nothing at all, and Yuuma's stomach does a weird little flip that leaves him feeling giddy.

"Shark, that's so cool! I didn't know you were super strong!"

The Barian drops a piece of pillar on his foot and Yuuma winces in sympathetic pain, but Shark only kicks it away before shifting back into his human form, barely even glancing Yuuma's way as he goes back to work like nothing even happened.

The giddiness immediately sours under a rush of disappointment. Yuuma drops his eyes to the floor, upset that Shark won't even speak to him, isn't comfortable enough around Yuuma to be himself anymore. He bites his lip, refuses to cry. Honestly, he just wants to _talk_ to Shark again.

"Ne, Shark. There's something I've been meaning to tell you about the Astral World-"

"Later," Shark interrupts. His shoulders are tight, pulled in close to his body. Yuuma falls silent. "Go find Kaito while I clear this out."

He wants to say something, anything, but Astral gestures at the door and Yuuma follows him out, defeated.

"Give him time to adjust," Astral says. His hand comes to rest on Yuuma's shoulder. "He's angrier at himself than you."

"I just don't want to lose him." Yuuma grips the Key until its edges bite into his skin.

Astral's soft _you won't_ isn't reassuring at all.

* * *

A/N - Hopefully I'll write the next part over winter break.


End file.
